Kiss me and smile for me. Tell me that you'll wait for me.

I am yours, I am yours for as long as you will have me

2009-09-04T02:25:17Z

Despite not seeming so, I'd like to think that I always try and stay positive no matter what. However, that being said, I can only take so much before staying positive isn't even an option anymore. Life is finally catching up with me and I no longer feel like I can play the hand I was dealt. If maybe one or two things happen, I can take them in stride and what not but it just seems like it's literally one thing after the other.

Dad and Sue have been fighting lately. I guess with them, they're fighting about every little thing and in her eyes, dad can do nothing right. And it's funny because Sue will make all these snide, demeaning remarks about my dad and apparently doesn't think I notice that she's subtly talking shit about my dad. Then of course, if my dad is taking me to work or its just the two of us, all he does is bitch about Sue. They just got her a new car a few months ago and it's in my dad's name and I guess it has to stay in his name for at least a year and he says if things aren't better by then, we're moving out. We never should have moved in, I knew this shit was going to happen. I'm sorry, but I don't need to be involved in this. It's none of my business and if anything, it's making me resent Sue more and making me act out towards her which is obviously going to make stuff worse.

Mom and Lloyd are fighting...again. Surprise, surprise. He got all pissed off at her because she rode her motorcycle to work the other day and told her they weren't going to Florida anymore and called her all these names and all this other stuff. Then as far as I'm concerned, she made the mother of all low blows. She told him that she hopes he gets hit by a semi. Earth to mother! In case you don't remember, that's how your fucking mother died! So of course I yell at her and her defense is "He said it to me and told me that she hated me." Just because he says it doesn't make it right to say back to him! I swear, I'm nineteen years old...I'm not supposed to be lecturing her on what is right and wrong to say. If anything, I'm the one who's supposed to be acting petty and saying mean things and she should be the one yelling at me. Well, apparently they went to Florida anyways but he's still acting like a dick. She complains all the time that he treats her like shit and blah blah blah. LEAVE HIS ASS! Grow a pair and get the fuck out. She left once and when he threatened to get rid of all of her shit she went running back. It's just stuff! All the material possessions in the world aren't worth your happiness and well being. I yelled at her all the time for staying and begged her to leave but no more. You can't help someone get out until they want to get out themselves, and I'm done with it.

So then, I applied for Tri-C and everything was going okay, I made an oops and checked the wrong box on something so I had to go down to the campus and fix it and that was fine. I got that taken care of and they told me to go up to Financial Aid and make sure that was all taken care of, just as a precautionary measure. Turns out, even though I didn't finish classes at Cleveland State I still need a transcript from them...which they won't give me because I have an outstanding balance. Financial Aid said that if I even got a letter saying I didn't complete any classes that would be okay. So I call CSU and they say they won't give me a letter because that's basically the same thing as a transcript and blah blah blah. So I hang up on the dude and start bawling my eyes out because that was kind of the straw that broke the camels back with everything that's going on, not even getting into all the stuff that's going on at work. I called my mom and told her what was going on, cried some more and eventually tried calling CSU again. This time, whoever the hell I talked to said that getting just a letter shouldn't be a problem[wtf people. Give me one answer please] and transferred me to the assistant registrar or whoever and of course she didn't answer so I had to leave a long ass message. Conveniently enough, this was right before I had to clock in for work so I have to wait for her to call tomorrow. Hopefully they're willing to help me considering I'm paying them back monthly. If they don't, I don't know what I'm going to do. I think I might completely break down, I can't handle much more.

[no subject]

2009-09-02T17:19:23Z

Most epic night ever! My mom bought me a ticket to WWE for an early birthday present and there will be no topping it. It was awesome. I sat next to this adorable little boy and we talked all night and I actually got more show than I was expecting. I think I took about 100 pictures but of course my camera died right after I took like 1 picture of the person I was waiting for so I ended up having to take pictures on my shitty camera phone. It was fun, I won't forget it for a while.

I'm tired of words and I'm too hoarse to shout

2009-08-28T02:22:31Z

So, Tuesday night I have a ticket to wrestling and I'm super excited. That is honestly all I really feel the need to say lol. We got our checks tonight and after paying my bills I should hopefully have almost 200$ left so that will be nice. The kids started school today and that means I'm going to be lonely now. I've started watching Project Runway and I really like it. It's interesting and I adore Tim or whatever his name is. Hillary got me watching Ghost Hunters and I'm so paranoid to go to sleep in my room now. That's pretty much it.

I lost my soul, I lost my pride.

2009-08-26T05:04:41Z

Here we go again with attempting to revive writing in a journal. Perhaps if I were to actually vent things in here then I wouldn't feel the need to lay in bed and talk to myself for three, four hours. Who knows, we'll see I suppose. It seems like I'm at work more than anywhere else anymore. Janine told me all that shady stuff about Tim and that really pissed me off. It upset me that I continually let myself get into this kind of stuff and don't think and don't really take to heart other people's warnings. Thankfully, he's gone now and hopefully I won't hear from him anymore because I really want to just...let it go and let him go but I know if he tries talking to me I'll be weak and keep talking to him. I am so weak when it comes to stuff like this.

So, we got a new kitten last week. She's black and has a little white patch on her chest. Hillary named her Kenya, but swears it's not because she's black....even though it so is. Speaking of, the kids start school Thursday and that makes me sad. I've gotten used to having Hillary around all the time and just being able to talk to her and it's going to suck not being able to sit up every night 'til 3AM talking about the dumbest things. Since everyone else just kind of fell off and doesn't talk to me anymore, Hillary has become my best friend. The only other people I talk to anymore are the people at work; Vinny, Tony, and Sean included.

The first Saturday of every month, this place Sue and the kids go to do a showing and a reenactment of The Rocky Horror Picture Show and we might go this month. I'm super excited. The only thing I'm not super excited about though is the girls were mentioning that they have this thing at the beginning where all the 'virgins' i.e. the people that have never been to a showing of RHPS have to go up to the front and do something. They mentioned one time they all had to fake orgasms and another time they put candy necklaces on someone and the 'virgins' had to eat it all off the persons neck. It sounds fun, but I'm paranoid it'll be something super embarassing. Casie told me she'd do it with me, but we'll see I suppose.

Really, at this point I can't think of much else to talk about at this point so I think I'm going to head to bed. Hopefully I'll actually remember and keep up with remembering to update this, just to get the stuff off my mind.